I had a month at home alone over Christmas and New Years while my hubby went back the UK to visit his family. He had the most fabulous time and returned on Sunday. It is lovely having him back.
Some people were kind of shocked that I 'let' my husband go back to England without me. Some people felt sorry for me being on my own ..... but I was fine. I was amazed at how quickly I adapted. For the first few days I was bored senseless, and then I found my rhythm and I had a great time. I think it's good to have some time apart every so often. I kind of took the time to reflect on being 'me' without any other influences (as I'm sure the hubby did too). I was responsible for making my own entertainment and for making my life meaningful every day.... for one whole month. I had to measure my needs and address them; when I was lonely I got in the car and visited someone, when I wanted to watch a film I chose a film that he probably would have wrinkled his nose up at, when I felt tense, I put on my mediation CD or sat in silence and when I wanted food, I ate whatever I chose. And I enjoyed it all, I really did. I look on these times as a bit of an experiment for myself, to see who I am when I am just me. And it makes me realise that I enjoy alone time as much as I enjoy together time.
I feel grateful for a relationship where I have opportunities to grow and where there is freedom; a connected freedom. Sometimes I need to remember that it is myself who attaches weights to my ankles so that my wings have to flap so hard it's hard to take off. And in becoming aware of this, hopefully I can avoid getting myself weighed down by responsibilities and obligations that I buy into. This isn't supposed to sound cryptic, all I mean is that I hope to hold onto the realisation that my husband gives me freedom in our relationship, but as a woman, I seem to impose rules on myself that make me feel restricted and I aim to be kinder to myself and quit this pattern in 2012.
The things I enjoyed over the past month
- having a lie in or 10!
- having toast for dinner if I fancied it
- watching movies that I liked and rewinding them if I missed a bit
- making easy peasy dinners and eating them for a couple of days in a row
- sewing all day and not having to tidy my projects away
- spreading myself out around the house; fabric, magazines, vision boards etc etc etc
- not washing up for a couple of days at a time if I didn't feel like it
- choosing the sounds in my home
- meditating sitting on a cushion in the lounge
- thinking creatively about the house; having ideas of changes I'd like to make
Here's to toast for dinner when you fancy it!